5 Things NOT to Say to a Red State Progressive
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Red State Progressive is not an oxymoron. Sure, we’re outnumbered, but there are more of us than you think, and we’re pretty tired of the idiotic things that our coastal friends say. If we’re going to save this country, please stop making assumptions that people who do not live on the coasts live in cultural sinkholes. We don’t.
Here’s something you already know: progressive people live in red and rural states. Sure, we mostly live in the cities and surrounding suburban metros. There’s no question that rural Missouri, Ohio, Kansas, North or South anything (Dakota, Carolina), Alabama, etc. are full of indifferent Christian voters who only engage in politics when they vote with their Jesus and/or Trump-ites who live on a constant diet of Fox News, Steven Miller’s Twitter feed and terrifying, blood-chilling subreddits .
A lot of us, though, are smart, elect solidly progressive representatives (Rashida Tlaib is from Michigan after all), only vote for democratic mayors and support progressive agendas.
Also: we are tired. We are doing the work here and it’s exhausting. The last thing that we (okay, I) need to encounter when we’re navigating our way through grassroots campaigns and fundraising cycles is our blue state and coastal friends saying notably tone-deaf shit.
“I just can’t bear to look.”
So: this statement no longer holds water. It’s one thing to avoid seeing the smoke rising from the dumpster fires that are the republican super majorities in states like Missouri, Alabama and Ohio. It’s another when you’re talking to someone (once again ME I MEAN ME) from one of those places and say something like “I just can’t pay attention anymore” or “No, I somehow missed the news where Georgia outlawed abortions.”
You actually do have to look. You don’t have to move here, but you have to pay some attention. You realize that these atrocious laws that GOP lawmakers send through statehouses out here are designed to go to the SCOTUS, right? You don’t want be surprised when you suddenly read about a majority decision that, say, kills the ACA?
Alternative statement: “I hope you’re holding up okay. Is there an organization locally or regionally I should donate to or do you have any articles you could send me that I can bookmark and scan later from underneath the covers while I worry about global warming before bed? Thanks, girl. You’re the best.”
“I’m sorry.”
True story. An old friend of mine, when she found out I moved back to St. Louis responded by saying “OH NO!”
I stopped keeping a record of the patronizing comments I got from my California friends when they found out I was moving back to the midwest because life is hard enough. Yes, terrible things happen in places like Missouri. They happen in Oakland, too, or did everyone forget that Oakland cops were basically running hookers without anyone knowing about it?
Stop acting all apologetic about where I live. I didn’t move here to punish myself. I moved here because it was a choice. St. Louis citizens aren’t victims (well, not the white ones anyway). I don’t need any pity. Neither does anyone else.
Alternative statement: “I know that there is a serious minority rule issue is destroying the country’s interior. I know that sensible people like you are mostly working hard to stop that. Is there an organization locally or regionally I should donate to or do you have any articles you could send me that I can bookmark and scan later from underneath the covers while I worry about global warming before bed? Thanks, girl. You’re the best.”
“Do they have X there?”
Okay, politics aside, some of my friends from California have said some next-level, stupid-ass, forehead-slapping, “did an adult just say that?” ridiculousness to me about St. Louis. An L.A.-based friend (someone I respect greatly) spent time in a midwestern city and posted about it, saying (I’m not making this up) saying that she saw tattooed people and--gasp!!--CRAFT BEER. She also said “They do have good restaurants there, too. Who knew?”
Who knew? The fucking adults who live here and entertain ourselves here and raise children here and create art here. We have all the things. We have fast internet. We have music festivals. We have food scenes, and DJs, and start ups, and tech culture, and queer culture, and art galleries, and exhibits, and food trucks, and hip hop, and yes, tattooed people and--gasp!!--CRAFT BEER.
Alternative statement: Nothing. Don’t say that ever. You just sound like an asshole all the time. You COULD say “what kind of an X scene do you have there?”. (Yeah, that. Say that.)
“How can “they” even live there?”
A few years ago (when moving back to St. Louis was but a twinkle of an idea) a friend of mine--an L.A. native--said this about my family who never moved away from St. Louis.
What I said in response was, “Because it’s their home.”
Not everyone wants to do crowded. Not everyone wants to do expensive. Not everyone wants to move away from their parents, siblings, cousins, and childhood friends. Not everyone needs to leave the place they grew up in. A couple of years ago, I had a meeting with a local labor activists who spent all of his free time fighting for workers to get a $15 hourly minimum wage. When I told him a story about Los Angeles traffic (he asked me about it) he shook his head and said, “I love living in my little big city.”
We live here because we like it. We live here because it’s our home. We live here because our families are here. If you’re willing to pay the freight to live in a San Francisco, a Seattle, or a New York: do you. Please respect that choice is not one everyone wants to make. At some point: I didn’t.
Alternative statement: “I’ve never visited X. Tell me about it.”
“Why don’t you/they move?”
I saved the best for last.
First of all, if you’ve suggested that the solution for women living in reproductive rights-starved red states move: you are an asshole. Own it. That makes as much sense as my saying “If you all would move back to your home states and fucking vote, Mitch McConnel may not control the Senate.” (Confession? I have totally said this.)
We don’t move for the same reasons you don’t: it’s not feasible or because it’s not what we want to do. I would never look a friend--particularly if they’re queer, of color, a woman, or especially all fucking three--in the eye and suggest that life would be “easier” for them if they moved to a cheaper city. How would I know? Is that my business? Is that something that’s even fair to say to someone who complains about the cost of living in San Francisco or Boston?
We are supposed to be able to live our lives freely anywhere. If all of the people like me (a reasonable progressive with--gasp!--tattoos) left all the places like St. Louis, do you have any reasonable idea how much shittier the country would get overnight?
You need us out here. You need us out here more that you realize because we’re the only ones who are voting for the handful of progressive democratic representatives from the flyover (a term I’m starting to resent, by the way) that make it to DC. You need us changing the tide or you will only have governors like Scott Walker gutting state Medicaid programs, fucking the environment, denying climate change, and, yes, signing abortion bans into law.
Every time President Fang issues an edict about “The Squad” I want you to remind yourself that two of elected those officials are from midwestern states. They have constituents who waged battles to get them into office. Do you want to live in a country where that’s not possible anymore? Yeah. Me, neither.
Embrace this, too: red state progressives are the backstop from things getting even worse.
Also: poor women can’t move. Children can’t move. College students who are paying in-state tuition can’t move. The “why don’t they move?” sentiment was so prevalent on the internet in the wake of the abortion bans that I almost unfriended people I’ve known for decades who said it.
Even if we don’t share a zip code or a time zone, we share a country. We share a House of Representatives and a U.S. Senate. We share the burden of terrible governors, stubbornly racist state representatives, and horrible legislation written by lobbyists that get passed in states like Missouri as a part of the grand conservative movement to rob the rest of us of our free speech, clean water, healthcare access, and freedom of movement.
Alternative statement: “It’s hard to know how to help being so far away and with the entire world (more or less) falling under the control of ruthless, narcissistic, dictators. I hope you’ll tell me if there are candidates or issues that would benefit from a small donation.”
I’m so glad you asked.
It Starts Today
Missouri-based It Starts Today is a fundraising organization that distributes funds to state Democratic House races. Those candidates are being outspent by their republican counterparts, namely because the latter gets plenty of help from multi-million dollar Republican PACs. MO democratic house candidates have almost no infrastructure to fall back on when it comes to any kind of fundraising. It Starts Today evenly distributes funds to all democratic candidates throughout the state where, in many districts, pro-life and pro-gun republican candidates often run unopposed.
Donate here.
Gateway Women’s Access Fund
Missouri currently has one public abortion clinic, and it’s located in St. Louis. Women who need access to that clinic often have to travel great distances to get here, and often need support paying for those services. Enter Gateway Women’s Access Fund, that provides financial support for those very women.
Donate here.
ACLU Missouri
While the national ACLU organization fights back everything and anything related to the Trump/McConnell shit show, ACLU Missouri has its hands full with fighting abortion bans and advocating in the wake of Missouri’s Republican super majority.
Donate to them here.